If it wasn’t for the people in these two cars with me right now the last 5 would not have been possible and my oldest sister coming up with the idea of us cooking together was the best thing.
Today is better than yesterday I don’t what my mom is doing but I know she’s working in all of us we wouldn’t be here actually talking about this to other people as strong as we can without her holding our hands placing her hand on our shoulders and rocking us to sleep at night. I can actually tell when she’s here right next to me when her hand on my shoulder when she’s pushing me out of bed and forcing me to walk an when she’s standing back smiling, watching us do it all on our on. I just can’t stop thinking about how you said you only did the things you did things or said things because you wanted to make sure I could take care of myself when you’re gone and how That’s all you wanted was to know I could take care of myself. Well your hard glower didn’t go to waste and I might not be able to take of myself totally on my own just yet but I’m working on it
Anonymous asked: When did your mom die ?
Last night/early this morning.
I made the mistake if staying home all I feel is the emptiness I really front know how to go on, I could’ve done some reckless things with my own life due to the extent that I miss you, but I opted to stay with my sister who has taken on the mother role in all of this. If you’re here right now just know for some reason when we all leave to go home and do our separate things we all end up right back here at home. We still call it mom’s house or aunt Viv’s house and we still uphold all your household rules and standards. I just ask that you don’t worry so much about us tonight and stay to watch over your bf since he’s by himself. love you mom. Always have always will.
I wanted to be alone all I could do was feel the emptiness
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (NPR)
Fuck I love me some Chimamanda. Truth!
Every time I think I’m fine it starts all over again and every family member that walks in here I just see your face. I’ve slept for 40 minutes since yesterday morning and every time my phone rings I expect it to be you. I expect you to wake up and call us to come get you, tell us how much you dislike this nurse or that doctor I keep waiting for you to yell up here and tell me to get out of bed it’s 11 and clean my room even though I know you can’t and you’re at peace and in no pain now. I miss you more than I can possibly put into words.
I don’t know how to keep going on, I feel like this is a dream and she’s gonna wake up. She’s going to sit up and ask us why we’re all here and crying.
I’ve been here for 10 minutes and they’ve lost her twice. She can not die.
She’s still with a breathing tube, she unconscious (to my knowledge) doctors are trying to decide whether to proceed with surgery either way things are not looking up. I’m just about out of prayers. On my way there as I speak my entire family in the area is on their way.
sending up prayers for you and your fam
Special prayers going out to you.
Sending prayers out for your mom.
Prayers for your mom and family